I want to stick my p in your. b.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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