my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
high people should be assigned attendants
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
