tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize