I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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