one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
