my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
