By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
