is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize