If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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