Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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