some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
