He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
