i permit you to call me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
