I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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