Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize