How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
