I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to make out with him forever
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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