i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
