I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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