I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
