if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
