i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
