You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
