Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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