She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
