Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
