He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
