his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
