Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
