i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
