i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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