got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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