Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
