she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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