her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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