Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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