Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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