I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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