there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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