I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
