you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
