she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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