I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
