But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
