Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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