ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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