me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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