Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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