but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
