I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
