I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
