I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
