someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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