she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize