i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
