i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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