She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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