the condom got lost in my hair
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize