have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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