At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
