My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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