Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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