My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
