she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I still have a little drunk in my system
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
