I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A bitchslap is in order.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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