the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
