It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
