you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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