She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and she was petting her beer can
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
