it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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