im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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