Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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