a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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